A Juppongatana Story
by Joke Master Mandy
Summary: Read and review!
1. Prelude to Madness

-It was a dark cold autumn night. Five skilled men had been sent to murder one of the most dangerous manslayers of the meiji era. This was no ordinary manslayer, this manslayer could murder up to 50 skilled men in a half our, this man knew enough secrets that he could bring the fall of the government in an instant, this man was Makoto Shishio.-  
  
Assassin #1: Where is he? They said he'd be here by 7:00!  
  
Assassin #2: Be patient he'll come.  
  
Assassin #3: It's too damn cold to be standing out here!  
  
Assassin #4: Will you quit your bitching!  
  
Assassin #5: There he is! I see him!  
  
-Makoto Shishio walks into the open field, unknowing of the plot to kill him-  
  
Assassin #3: It's showtime.  
  
-Assassin #3 holds out a rifle and fires it at Shishio's head. The bullet hits and Shishio falls-  
  
Assassin #5: Alright, lets torch this guy.  
  
-Assassin #5 walks up to Shishio's fallen body, lights a match, and then burns him.-  
  
Assassin #2: Alright, we did what the boss told us, now lets go.  
  
-And so they left Shishio to burn-  
  
-3 days later-  
  
-Shishio opened his eyes and gazed half consciously at the world around him. Though burnt to a crisp, Shishio miraculously survived the assassination attempt on him.-  
  
Shishio: Woah, what happened?  
  
-Then, Shishio looked down at his burnt body and the terrible realization came upon him.-  
  
Shishio: Oh my god.....I'M A BLACK MAN!! SHIZZEEE!!  
  
Mandy The Vampire Champion Presents:  
  
A Juppongatana Story 


	2. Houji Satojima

Chapter 1: Houji Satojima  
  
Shishio: Hot damn!! I'm black!  
  
-Shishio tries jumping up and down-  
  
Shishio: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! OH MY FREAKING GOD IT HURTS!! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Oh my god, I don't think I can imagine being in more pain than this.  
  
-Out of nowhere a salt truck crashes into a tree, explodes, covering Shishio with salt-  
  
Shishio: HOLY FUCK!!! MAKE IT STOP!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!! Damn, being black sucks. I gotta get out of here, but first I'm gonna need some threads.  
  
-Shishio notices the port-a-potty that's next to him. He opens it up and takes the toilet paper-  
  
Shishio: Hmmm. This should work.  
  
-Shishio completely wraps himself up in the toilet paper-  
  
Shishio: Now that that's taken care of, I need to get my revenge on the meiji government. Hmmm...I'm gonna need a few people to do this. Who would be willing to help me?  
  
-Flashback to Shishio's high school years-  
  
-Shishio is sitting in his homeroom and the announcements just came on over the loudspeaker-  
  
Principal: Good morning Cardinal McCrackhead High School. Let's all pledge the flag. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and....uuhh hold on. Let me start again. I pledge allegiance to the flag of...oh godammit.  
  
-The kids start laughing like hell-  
  
Principal: Shutup or I'll slap all your sweet cheeks with my wet noodle, dammit!! I pledge allegiance to the cough hack hack, boom.  
  
-The principal has a heart attack and dies-  
  
Shishio: Well that was odd. Oh well.  
  
-The bell rings and everybody leaves the class. Shishio spots a dorky looking kid trudging around with his head down-  
  
Shishio: Hey, what's wrong?  
  
Dorky kid: I'm a dork with no friends and my heads twice the size of a normal humans.  
  
Shishio: Wow, that does suck. But think about it, you may be a geek with no friends now, but you're so smart that you could develop a cure for cancer one day, and then you'll be so rich you'll be slappin all the tail you want.  
  
Dorky kid: When you think about it like that, maybe my lifes not so bad after all. Thanks for the advice, my names Houji Satojima and if you ever have a problem just call me.  
  
-End flashback-  
  
Shishio: I know who to call! Now if only I had a phone.  
  
-Shishio spots a pay phone all the way across the street-  
  
Shishio: There we go.  
  
-Shishio takes a step toward the phone-  
  
Shishio: Aw shit that hurts!  
  
-Shishio takes another slow step toward the phone-  
  
Shishio: Ouch, dammit.  
  
-24 hours later-  
  
Shishio: Finally I made it!  
  
-Shishio picks up the phone-  
  
Phone operator: Please insert 50 cents.  
  
-Shishio reaches for his wallet but realizes he doesn't have it. It's over by the port-a-potty all the way across the street-  
  
Shishio: Aw fuck.  
  
-48 hours later-  
  
-Shishio returns to the pay phone with his wallet and calls up Houji-  
  
Shishio: Hey Houji! It's Shishio.  
  
Houji: Woah, I haven't heard from you in years! What do you need?  
  
Shishio: To overthrow the government.  
  
Houji: Well, I was planning on going to a titty bar tonight, but okay!  
  
Shishio: Great! Meet me at Shizzlebees bar and grill at 9:00. 


	3. Soujiro Seta

Chapter 2: Soujiro Seta  
  
-At Soujiro's apartment-  
  
-Soujiro is running around at his apartment looking for money to buy crack-  
  
Soujiro: Damn, my minimum wage job at Shizzlebees just isn't enough to pay for my crack anymore. I remember the days when crack used to be at a reasonable price.  
  
-Flashback to Soujiro's childhood-  
  
Soujiro at 2: Soujiro's mother is giving him crack.  
  
Soujiro at 5: Soujiro is sitting on his couch smoking crack.  
  
Soujiro at 10: Soujiro is still sitting on his couch smoking crack.  
  
-Eventually he just does so much crack that he is devoid of all emotions other than happiness, and can run at incredible speeds-  
  
-End flashback-  
  
Soujiro: Hmm, maybe I can find someone kind enough to lend me some money.  
  
-Soujiro steps outside-  
  
-Soujiro spots an old lady driving in her car-  
  
Soujiro: She looks like a nice old lady, maybe she'll give me money.  
  
-Soujiro approaches the old lady's car-  
  
Soujiro: Excuse me ma'am, but could you spare some change.  
  
-The old lady backs up her car, then plows it into Soujiro at full speed-  
  
Old Lady: Fucking crackhead.  
  
Soujiro: Well, it was worth a shot. I need a better job, but for now, it's off to Shizzlebees.  
  
-Later at Shizzlebees-  
  
-Shishio and Houji walk in, discussing stuff about overthrowing the government-  
  
-A waiter comes up to them-  
  
Waiter: Hi! Welcome to Grizzlebees bar and grill. What can I get..OH MY GOD!!  
  
Shishio: What? Is there something about me you find odd?  
  
Waiter: Uhh....no. What can I get you two?  
  
Houji: We'll take some beers.  
  
Waiter: Sure.  
  
-The waiter yells over to Soujiro-  
  
Waiter: Soujiro! Go get these to guys some beers! He'll be right over.  
  
-A few minutes later-  
  
-Soujiro goes over to Houji and Shishio with the beers-  
  
Soujiro: Here you go...HOLY SHIT IT'S A MUMMY!!  
  
-In shock, Soujiro throws up the tray and all the alcoholic beverages wind up on Shishio's burnt skin-  
  
Soujiro: Aw crap.  
  
Shishio: AAAAAAAAHHH!!! IT HURTS!!! IT HURTS!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH I'M GONNA KILL YOU!! AAAAAAHHH!!  
  
-Shishio grabs Soujiro and pins him to the table-  
  
Soujiro: Dude, can't we just deduct it from your check?  
  
Shishio: NO!!  
  
-Shishio unsheaths his sword and points it at Soujiro-  
  
-Soujiro starts smiling like a maniac-  
  
Shishio: Does dying really make you that happy?  
  
Soujiro: No, it's just that your friends fly is open!  
  
Houji: Oops.  
  
-Houji zips his fly-  
  
-Shishio points the sword closer to him-  
  
Soujiro: Can't we just settle this like reasonable men?  
  
Shishio: Hmmm, I guess we could. Bring me some bandages and food, I'll let you live if you do.  
  
Soujiro: Gotcha.  
  
-Soujiro leaves to go get bandages and food-  
  
-Several minutes later-  
  
-Soujiro comes back-  
  
Shishio: Well, lets see what you brought.  
  
-Soujiro hands him a bowl of peanuts-  
  
-Shishio throws it aside-  
  
Shishio: I'm allergic to peanuts, asshole! Did you get the bandages?  
  
-Soujiro hands him a little box of glow in the dark scooby doo band-aids-  
  
Shishio: Are you friggin retarded?! And why the hell do you keep smiling like that!?  
  
Soujiro: Because I've been addicted to crack since I was born.  
  
Shishio: What?  
  
Soujiro: Uh, I mean, I live with an evil family that makes me work night and day and when I don't finish my work, they beat me to the point where all I can do is conceal all my emotions other than hapiness.  
  
Houji: Wow, that's sad. Whaddya say we let the guy go?  
  
Shishio: Fine.  
  
Soujiro: Thanks, so what is it you're planning over there?  
  
Shishio: Nothing much, I'm just in the process of trying to find ten extraordinary people to help me overthrow the government.  
  
Soujiro: Really! Why don't you hire me?  
  
Shishio: What are your skills?  
  
Soujiro: Well, I'm not much trouble, easy to work with, I can cook, clean clothes, plus I can do this.  
  
-Soujiro runs around the room, faster than the eye can see-  
  
Shishio: Woah! You're hired!  
  
Soujiro: Alriiight! 


End file.
